I'm not sure if it's the change of season, or the approaching half year milestone that Iris will reach in less than a month now, but I have been feeling rather reflective of late.
As I look back at the last 5 months it really seems that we're a world away from those first apprehensive weeks of parenthood, with its gush of hormones and first ravages of sleeplessness.
Firmly out of the newborn and young baby stage, Iris now seems to me like a proper little person, morphing more into herself every day. I feel like I'm witnessing a da Vinci process, with my milk working as the metaphorical chisel, chipping away at her pre-formed self.
And it really is such an amazing process with new expressions, noises and movements emerging every day.
I think what I find most incredible is the shift from the pure, unconditional love and need of a mother and baby, to a more mutual emotional balance borne of actually knowing one another. I suppose this is a round-about way of saying that it feels like a relationship now, but one that is more rewarding and touching than I could ever have imagined.
And while we have been keeping each other busy recently - a week in Norfolk, baby cinema, trips to town and visits with Iris' many cousins, not to mention a heavy cold (Iris) and renewed sleeplessness (me) - the best moments have really been when we have just been hanging out together.
Just the simplest of things have become invaluable - a smile, a giggle, a cuddle - I don't think I can describe how happy it makes me, and how privileged I feel to be nurturing this new person.
Me and my girl, my girl and me - sigh. Right, I'll now climb off my chocolate box and give my rose-tinted sunnies a rest!
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10 comments:
It is such a gorgeous stage, and it just gets better and better. I can't understand why no one told me how great it is to have a baby. I wandered through the park with my two year old girl yesterday, and marvelled at snails and pine cones...it's so basic. Enjoy it!
Pigx
lovely! I totally know what you are talking about. And you can't really put the feeling you get into words and do it justice. Just incredible. Nothing compares.
Hi Pig - that sounds lovely, it really is magical isn't it! which only is increasing my anxiety about going back to work and missing out - gulp.
x
hello elsie - yes exactly, think that's why it took me so long to get even that post out, just couldn't find the right superlatives. that and the fact that finding the time to write anything seems harder and harder!
x
That's lovely. I like the way you express the importance of the everyday little things. I remember the day I looked across the room at my plump little baby boy, and he looked up at me, and smiled. For no reason, except that he caught me looking at him. And I smiled back.
I also remember that transition from baby to person. I think all the pregnancy and baby books lead us to think of the baby as a thing. A thing to be looked after. A thing to be got to sleep. A thing to be appropriately stimulated with black and white images, or images of human faces, or Mozart. It takes a while to realise that it's a tiny person in there (duh...). I recently read something that made me think of babies/children as parcels to unwrap, which I find a lovely image (wish I'd read it before I had my first). You don't quite know what's inside, and the process of discovery is a fun one.
Hi Iota - you're right, I'm realising that it's the fact that these little beings aren't an extension of us that makes it so much more fun and challenging! and those exchanges of smiles and laughs really are pure joy aren't they!
x
It's funny to think of another baby Iris all the way over the other side of the world, a few weeks older than my baby Iris in Melbourne.
I know what you mean about that feeling in the early days and it changing. For me, I felt like Iris's aunty at first, and some while later at last like her mother.
Today I realised that I was worrying too much about work and the looming problem of finding childcare, and not enjoying the moment, which is all too brief. But that's enough, because I can hear my baby crying for a 10.00pm feed, just when I was thinking I'd love a cuddle.
Best wishes to you and your baby Iris!
Hi Helen and hello to a fellow baby Iris! I know exactly what you mean, about seizing the moment and trying not to let the returning to work fears dominate. Hope you have a good night!
x
I loved the look of utter adoration my daughter used to give me when she was a baby and we smiled at each other.
Now she's 6, and she draws me lovely pictures with "I love you Mummy" written on them - occasionally interspersed with notes like "I have a Mummy who is horable" when I've annoyed her.
ah bless! mind you that's probably nothing compared to the teenage angst still to come..I'm putting that right out of my mind for now, better to enjoy the adoration while it lasts!
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