It's 9:38 in the Controlled Crying house, and currently silence reigns, only broken by the weak strains of Heart FM drifting over a still wet kitchen floor.
Mum is in the sitting room, an evening glass of wine keeping her company as she hurriedly taps away at her pet laptop.
Dad is in his study, expletives flowing as he realises his newly bought PC is a dud and the company has gone bust.
Baby is in her room, quietly snoring and trying to erase the memory of her first night of discipline, hoping her parents will have seen sense and will tonight revert to the 'soft-touch style' she has grown accustomed to.
Little does she realise that a new phase has started. Controlled crying. Seemingly simple in its concept, Mum wonders whose crying is meant to be controlled (and how many glasses of wine will assist in its successful delivery).
Baby's crying is heartfelt, desperate, pleading, angry. Certainly not controlled.
Mum's crying is heartfelt, desperate, pleading and sorrowful. Also not controlled.
Dad doesn't cry but feels desperate, miserable and tired.
As the day's smiles and toys are packed away, the night's wails and tools await.
Baby: Teething granules; check. Bonjela; check. Muslin, blanket and spare grobag; check.
Mum: Ear plugs and eye mask; check. Tissues; check.
Dad: Battlestar Galactica dvd and player, headphones; check.
Let the battle commence and the tears flow, a harmonious family life awaits, and maybe even a previously uncoveted Gina Ford gold star.
Tune in for more updates from this riveting new reality household series...